13 Ways to Deal with Grief at Christmas

During the best of times, grief is difficult to cope with. It's especially hard to deal with during Christmas, when you're surrounded by festive cheer and a desire to spend time with loved ones. Everybody copes with grief in different ways, and it's not something you can just fix or get over - it's something you learn to live with. There isn't one full-proof method to make the holidays easier, especially when Christmas songs, films, and decorations seem to follow you everywhere you go, but there are a few methods you might find that help make it easier... 

1. Accept that Christmas might feel different this year. As much as you might want to make Christmas feel as normal as possible, it's important to feel the loss. Eventually, it will get easier, but only if you allow yourself to experience the grief of going through Christmas without your loved one.  

2. Set boundaries for yourself. You don't have to attend every event if you don't want to or you feel like it will be too difficult, so don't feel guilty for sitting anything out.

3. Trust that grief is part of healing. It will get easier with time. 

4. Focus on what you can control. You can't control the music on the radio, or whether or not anyone asks you what your plans are for Christmas. Instead, focus on what you can control, and what helps to heal the heartache.

5. Plan ahead. The anticipation of the event is often worse than the event it's self. A Christmas party might only last 2 hours but you might spent 3 weeks dreading it. If you create a plan before hand - maybe an escape route if you know you might want to leave early - it might reduce some of the excess dread.

6. Find a way to honour your memories. You may find it helpful to create a special way to memorialize the person you've lost. Creating a new tradition can serve as a tangible reminder that although your loved one is gone, they are not forgotten. 

7. Be honest. Be honest to yourself, about what you feel comfortable doing and not doing, and be honest to other people so nobody expects too much of you.

8. Speak to somebody. If you haven't tried speaking to a counsellor, it might be the time to give it a go if you feel like Christmas is going to be especially tough.

9. Ask for help. Letting your family and friends know how you feel will help,  so they can be understanding why you might not want to do something. They can also provide a much needed shoulder to cry on.

10. Find time to be alone. It's easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle of festivities, and it can be quite draining. It might help to take some alone time for yourself in order to recharge your batteries.

11. Do something kind for others. Performing a few acts of kindness can be a really good way to lift your spirit, and you will be lifting someone else's spirit in the process. 

12. Skip it. Really. If you really feel like it will be too difficult, just skip it. Take a break. Maybe try make a different plan so you're not alone, or find a way to just simplify your Christmas down, but you can always celebrate next year when you might be feeling differently. After all, it's only one day. 

13. Remember it's okay to feel happy. Christmas is still a time of love and joy, and you deserve to feel that too. It's okay to celebrate and feel happy, it doesn't diminish the love you have for the person and you shouldn't feel guilty for finding joy in Christmas. Going through hard times brings people together, and you might find everyone feels closer than ever this Christmas - so it's okay if you want to celebrate that.